There has been a lot happening this year - My wife and I had a new baby girl in May, I had surgery for a herniated disc in my neck (which did not "fix" anything), and have been going through difficult times at my work place.
For several years now, I feel I haven't put God first in all that I do. I have been a "lukewarm" Christian, which I know is a very bad place to be, for according to the Lord's word, "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth." - Revelation 3:15-16 (NIV)
I have a very difficult time concentrating on almost anything, even for short periods of time. My mind tends to wonder a lot, and the end result is nothing gets done and I don't follow through. I also allow myself to slip into worldly thing's very easily - T.V., video games, movies, etc. and forget to keep my focus on God. This is something God has been working in me for a while now, has allowed some hard times in my life to bring me back to Him.
One of those thing's is the neck and arm pain (all on my right side) I experience daily. The side of my neck feels strained and "mushy", with a dull / sharp pain. My arm has a dull / fire type pain that feels inflamed. After 6+ weeks of physical therapy, several visits to the chiropractor and doctor visits, I was finally given an MRI. This showed a herniated disc in the back of my upper neck (C5, C6 area). The neurologist said the scan indicated the bulge was pinching a nerve, so on May 13th, 2010 I had surgery. Well, it fixed nothing. It has been 3 months since the surgery and I still have the same dull / aching / fire pain in my neck and arm. I don't understand why I am going through this - I understand that sometimes "life just happens", but I also know God is more powerful than this and through Him I can live a fulfilled life, regardless of what physical ailment I am suffering.
The other major situation is my job. Thing's have been very difficult for me there. Some thing's I know are my fault and I need to work on, and others are definitely not my fault and feel I am being singled out. I won't go into specific details on here (if you would really like to know you can ask me), but ultimately I feel that someone at my work place is trying to get rid of me and/or does not like that I am a "family man" who puts God and my family first.
Through these things I know God has a plan and His plan is perfect, even through trials. The best thing that has come and is coming through these hard times is God's transformation of myself. I feel humbled before the Lord, my family, and friends. I hope and pray that my faith continues to grow - My greatest fear is falling back into worldly desires and forgetting all the blessings God has laid before me. I hope and pray that God would provide me a different job - That I would no longer have to suffer the trials I am experiencing (at my job, and physically).
Every time I think of giving up and "running away", I remember what Jesus did. It is said, "Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." - Matthew 26:39 (NIV) - The ultimate self sacrifice.
One of the song's we sang in church this morning had the words (not exact, but something to this effect), "The more face time we have with Jesus, strangely the thing's of this world begin to fade". This tells what I have been experiencing lately. I hope and pray that I continue down this path; that my heart would be open and my mind would be clear to hear the Lord and to answer His perfect calling.
Self sacrifice, to me, is doing something you don't want to do. For example, when I was a little kid and living with my parents, they would ask me to do things: clean your room, put away your clothes, set the table, etc. This can be applied to going to work (I don't mind working, but I would rather be at home with my family), washing the car, or changing a poopy diaper. When we do thing's we don't want to do, we are sacrificing ourselves by putting someone else's need before our own. Jesus displayed this perfectly, by setting the perfect example by asking God to "take this cup from me", yet Jesus obeyed God even to death - the amazing part is that it was for our sake so that we might be saved.
What I have come to realize lately, is the more I sacrifice myself for others (especially the every day little thing's) and for God, the more I grow closer to the Lord and understand His will for my life. The things of this world begin to take a "back seat" and I find myself feeling joyful and uplifted through these hard times. This is what Jesus meant when He said to love your neighbor as yourself - a.k.a. "Self Sacrifice".
I pray and hope that God would "take this cup from me", that I could work somewhere else, that I would no longer suffer this physical pain, and that I would continue to be patient and understanding to the Lord's will. However, I know that God will never put more on me than I can handle, and I know that regardless of where the Lord has me, in the end the rewards will be far greater than I can possible imagine.
To Him be glory and honer forever and ever!
No comments:
Post a Comment